Archive for January 21st, 2009

This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts that a co-worker of mine sent me. Court reporters took down word for word everything that is said:

Attorney: Are you sexually active?

Witness: No, I just lie there.

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Attorney: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Witness: Uh, he is twenty

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Attorney: So the date of conception of the baby was August 18?

Witness: Yes

Attorney: And what were you doing at the time

Witness: Uh… I was gettin’ laid

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Attorney: She had three children right?

Witness: Yes

Attorney: How many where boys?

Witness: none

Attorney: Where there any girls?

Witness: Are you for real? Your honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________

Attorney: Doctor before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

Witness: No

Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?

Witness: No

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Witness: No

Attorney: So, then it is possible for the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

Witness: No

Attorney: How can you be sure doctor?

Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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